she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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