low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
