i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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