so explain again why im purple
no
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
