why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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