the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
4 words: hood of his car
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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