im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
