I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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