dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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