the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
