I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
