My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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