I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
