I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize