why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
