Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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