Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
