Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
