so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize