There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
