man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Still dying that you shit outside
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
