she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
