Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize