Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
