I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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