i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
