By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
