My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
