wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Actions speak louder than pants.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
