You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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