Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
