I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
