I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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