So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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