You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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