Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize