How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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