Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
