Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
