this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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