Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
