Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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