Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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