Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
