yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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