i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Randomize