M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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