Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
