I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
