I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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