I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
