I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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