One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
