omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
