so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
