I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
