You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
