and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
