I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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