well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
