Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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