He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
