I got chris browned last night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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