Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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