I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize