; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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