I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
