Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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