As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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